We are 51 days out from the wedding today!!! OMG!!!!
Actually, knock on wood, I feel pretty good. I still have a few things to
finalize but mostly it’s all in the details now.
In the hope of being prepare for marriage I have tried to
read up on what to expect. (Research is just how I role, my mom is a librarian
and my dad was a professor, it’s in my genes.) I have found some crazy books
that I have had to stop midway through, which is something I rarely do. Some books claim that once you
get married the lady needs to submit to every whim her husband has and suggests
not to bother him or nag him about anything and make your, the house, and everything around him nice and pretty. Umm….I’m not getting married in the
1950s so that’s not going to work. On the other hand there have been books that
talk about how women have to hold onto their individuality fiercely in a
marriage to prove they haven’t changed at all. I don’t agree with this
idea either. I like the idea of becoming a family and I believe two is better than one. Basically I’m not planning to change anything about the way I act
after getting married other than signing a different last name to checks and receipts.
Maybe I’m just being naïve but I like how Andy and I interact and work together and if it isn’t
broken, don’t change it, right? Anyway, I have found some books to be really
helpful and have brought up some questions we had never talked about before.
Obviously everyone expects different things from their relationships so maybe
these won’t be up your alley, but I would recommend them to anyone in a
relationship, whether you are married or just dating.
How I Planned Your Wedding by: Susan Wiggs and Elizabeth
Wiggs Maas. This book was written by a mother-daughter team who talked about
their experience while planning Elizabeth’s wedding. They go through the trials
of dress shopping, hair appointments, and finding a commend ground on
everything else, which is not easy to do even if the bride and Mother-of have tons in common. This is a great example of it’s the daughter’s wedding but
mama is paying for it. Who gets the final say? You can tell the mother and
daughter are crazy close, which totally matched me and my mom’s relationship,
and this book shows the exciting, fun, frustrating, and memorable moments that
come with wedding planning. It’s a quick read that I loved.
Committed by: Elizabeth Gilbert. I already wrote a post
about why I liked this book but I’ll give you a recap. Gilbert is embarking on
her second marriage and is committed to making this one last. She researches
how marriage is viewed in different times, countries, and cultures and what
drives people stay married or get divorced. She searches for the answer to the question "how can
you guarantee that your marriage will stand the test of time" and I appreciated her quest and general curiosity of how marriage works for different people.
Hitched by: Julia Bourland. Again I’ve written about this
book before but I really loved it. It was written for the modern girl who doesn’t
want her relationship with her honey to change just because they got married. But stuff will change and
Bourland talks about how to deal with things that come up.
This book also talked about all the stuff you should do once the honeymoon is
over. She has handy tips about how to change your last name, creating a living
will, how to handle your finances, and lots of other stuff I never even thought
of. I really appreciated that she brought up a lot of different questions that
you should talk about with your significant other that you may not have thought
to talk about before. Do you plan for your parents to live with you one day, how
do you plan to spend your retirement, how do you plan to raise your children
(childcare, schooling, discipline)? All important things to know that rarely
come up during the fun dating phase.
5 Love Languages by: Gary Chapman. This book was recommended
to be by a friend and then it started popping up everywhere. It was all over
Pinterest and I found that tons of my friends had already read it and found the
concept really interesting and helpful. The idea is that everyone feels love
differently and you and your spouse may not feel love the same way. Chapman has
narrowed it down to five major ways: words of affirmation, quality time,
receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. A person usually shows
love the same way they feel it, however if your husband response to a different
language he may not be feeling very loved. It’s important to find out which
language you are and which one he is so you can adjust how you show love. It
all makes sense to me.
Have you read any book relationship books?
