Research to a Good Marriage

We are 51 days out from the wedding today!!! OMG!!!! Actually, knock on wood, I feel pretty good. I still have a few things to finalize but mostly it’s all in the details now.

In the hope of being prepare for marriage I have tried to read up on what to expect. (Research is just how I role, my mom is a librarian and my dad was a professor, it’s in my genes.) I have found some crazy books that I have had to stop midway through, which is something I rarely do. Some books claim that once you get married the lady needs to submit to every whim her husband has and suggests not to bother him or nag him about anything and make your, the house, and everything around him nice and pretty. Umm….I’m not getting married in the 1950s so that’s not going to work. On the other hand there have been books that talk about how women have to hold onto their individuality fiercely in a marriage to prove they haven’t changed at all. I don’t agree with this idea either. I like the idea of becoming a family and I believe two is better than one. Basically I’m not planning to change anything about the way I act after getting married other than signing a different last name to checks and receipts. Maybe I’m just being naïve but I like how Andy and I interact and work together and if it isn’t broken, don’t change it, right? Anyway, I have found some books to be really helpful and have brought up some questions we had never talked about before. Obviously everyone expects different things from their relationships so maybe these won’t be up your alley, but I would recommend them to anyone in a relationship, whether you are married or just dating.

How I Planned Your Wedding by: Susan Wiggs and Elizabeth Wiggs Maas. This book was written by a mother-daughter team who talked about their experience while planning Elizabeth’s wedding. They go through the trials of dress shopping, hair appointments, and finding a commend ground on everything else, which is not easy to do even if the bride and Mother-of have tons in common. This is a great example of it’s the daughter’s wedding but mama is paying for it. Who gets the final say? You can tell the mother and daughter are crazy close, which totally matched me and my mom’s relationship, and this book shows the exciting, fun, frustrating, and memorable moments that come with wedding planning. It’s a quick read that I loved.

Committed by: Elizabeth Gilbert. I already wrote a post about why I liked this book but I’ll give you a recap. Gilbert is embarking on her second marriage and is committed to making this one last. She researches how marriage is viewed in different times, countries, and cultures and what drives people stay married or get divorced. She searches for the answer to the question "how can you guarantee that your marriage will stand the test of time" and I appreciated her quest and general curiosity of how marriage works for different people.

Hitched by: Julia Bourland. Again I’ve written about this book before but I really loved it. It was written for the modern girl who doesn’t want her relationship with her honey to change just because they got married. But stuff will change and Bourland talks about how to deal with things that come up. This book also talked about all the stuff you should do once the honeymoon is over. She has handy tips about how to change your last name, creating a living will, how to handle your finances, and lots of other stuff I never even thought of. I really appreciated that she brought up a lot of different questions that you should talk about with your significant other that you may not have thought to talk about before. Do you plan for your parents to live with you one day, how do you plan to spend your retirement, how do you plan to raise your children (childcare, schooling, discipline)? All important things to know that rarely come up during the fun dating phase.

5 Love Languages by: Gary Chapman. This book was recommended to be by a friend and then it started popping up everywhere. It was all over Pinterest and I found that tons of my friends had already read it and found the concept really interesting and helpful. The idea is that everyone feels love differently and you and your spouse may not feel love the same way. Chapman has narrowed it down to five major ways: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. A person usually shows love the same way they feel it, however if your husband response to a different language he may not be feeling very loved. It’s important to find out which language you are and which one he is so you can adjust how you show love. It all makes sense to me.

Have you read any book relationship books?